In recent weeks we’ve been looking at how some Christians twist the Scriptures to justify an abusive relationship. This week I wish to look at what the Bible says a healthy marriage should look like, so that we can better diagnose an abusive one.
To begin with, submitting to one’s husband (see passages like Eph 5:21) does NOT mean doing everything he asks. Biblical leadership is not about getting one’s way; it is about serving (Matt 20:25-26). For example, if a husband asks his wife to get him a drink, the wife is not duty bound by ‘submission’ to do so. She can say ‘no’ and still be a thoroughly biblical wife. If the wife were to say ‘yes’, that should come from a place of love; not a place of submission.
Submission within marriage should only arise when the couple disagree on an important issue. The fact is, marriage has only 2 votes. When those votes are different, the Bible calls the wife to submit to the husband, and for the husband to love (i.e. do whatever is best for) his wife. In over 20 years of marriage, submission has come up on only 2 occasions in our family (e.g. infant baptism).
Furthermore, it is not possible to force, or even coerce (through manipulation) submission. The word ‘submit’ is always in the passive mood in the Bible; i.e. it is something one must offer. If a husband ever says ‘as my wife you must/will submit’, it is no longer submission; it is a form of control. And that constitutes domestic violence.
If you would like to talk further about what a healthy Biblical relationship looks like, the ministry staff are here to help. Alternatively you can call the domestic violence Help Line on 1800 737 732 (1800 Respect).
